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calleigh_jTitle: Waved Along And Swept Away
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
calleigh_j
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing/characters: Emily/JJ
Spoilers: Up to the middle of season four
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to CBS; no copyright infringement intended; no money is being made from this; title and italicised quotes taken from Richard Buckner's 'Ed's Song'
Summary: Emily's good at being strong, probably too good, JJ thinks, and she hates that now it's because of her that Emily has to be strong
Author's Notes: A ficlet in three parts based on 'Ed's Song' by Richard Buckner, officially one of the most depressing songs in the known universe. Unbeta-ed, because I have all of five minutes on this computer, so all mistakes are my own. Feedback and concrit is gratefully appreciated.
I'm yours and I have to leave
Emily's always the one who leaves. JJ can't do it, no matter that it's her fault one of them leaving is even necessary. She isn't strong enough, she never has been, so she leaves it to Emily to be strong enough for both of them. Emily's good at being strong, probably too good, JJ thinks, and she hates that now it's because of her that Emily has to be strong.
They sleep together in hotel rooms paid for by the government and feel as guilty as sin. When JJ wakes, she's always alone in bed and she feels lost. What they're doing is wrong - JJ has a child and a sweet, caring man waiting for her at home - but it doesn't feel wrong when they're doing it. It only feels wrong when they're not so wrapped up in each other that thinking about anything other than hands and lips and tongues and oh god yes is impossible.
What if I just showed up tonight?
JJ wonders sometimes what would happen if Emily fought for her; if Emily just turned up one night at the front door of JJ's little house in the suburbs and fought.
Emily, or Will and Henry.
JJ tries to separate Will from Henry in her mind - Emily would be an amazing parent - but she feels so guilty for that on top of everything else that she can't even seriously contemplate it.
JJ knows why Emily doesn't fight though: Emily had told her as much once when JJ was drunk and babbling about leaving Will.
"You deserve what he can give you," Emily had said, her voice soft and strong, "He can give you stability and love and a father for your child. You deserve him," Emily had repeated, "And he deserves you."
JJ could hear the unspoken corollary.
"He deserves you...and I don't."
Vows abound in infidels
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Will's smiling and her parents are smiling and Garcia's glaring at her. Garcia's always know about her and Emily - Garcia knows everything - and Garcia's angry at her for marrying Will.
"I have to," JJ had answered when Garcia asked her exactly why she was marrying Will.
"Why?" Garcia had scoffed, scorn the only emotion in her voice, "Because people expect it of you? Come on JJ - when have you cared about what people expect you to do? If you'd always done what people expected of you, you would never even have left Pennsylvania, and you definitely wouldn't be working at the FBI."
"Henry deserves his father," JJ had said weakly.
"And Emily deserves more than to have her heart broken by someone who can't even admit that she's making the wrong decision."
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon while Garcia sits next to Emily and holds her hand.
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon and the promise falls so easily from her lips it almost feels right, but for the bitter taste it leaves in her mouth.
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon, and that's the end of it.
Author:
calleigh_jFandom: Criminal Minds
Pairing/characters: Emily/JJ
Spoilers: Up to the middle of season four
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to CBS; no copyright infringement intended; no money is being made from this; title and italicised quotes taken from Richard Buckner's 'Ed's Song'
Summary: Emily's good at being strong, probably too good, JJ thinks, and she hates that now it's because of her that Emily has to be strong
Author's Notes: A ficlet in three parts based on 'Ed's Song' by Richard Buckner, officially one of the most depressing songs in the known universe. Unbeta-ed, because I have all of five minutes on this computer, so all mistakes are my own. Feedback and concrit is gratefully appreciated.
I'm yours and I have to leave
Emily's always the one who leaves. JJ can't do it, no matter that it's her fault one of them leaving is even necessary. She isn't strong enough, she never has been, so she leaves it to Emily to be strong enough for both of them. Emily's good at being strong, probably too good, JJ thinks, and she hates that now it's because of her that Emily has to be strong.
They sleep together in hotel rooms paid for by the government and feel as guilty as sin. When JJ wakes, she's always alone in bed and she feels lost. What they're doing is wrong - JJ has a child and a sweet, caring man waiting for her at home - but it doesn't feel wrong when they're doing it. It only feels wrong when they're not so wrapped up in each other that thinking about anything other than hands and lips and tongues and oh god yes is impossible.
What if I just showed up tonight?
JJ wonders sometimes what would happen if Emily fought for her; if Emily just turned up one night at the front door of JJ's little house in the suburbs and fought.
Emily, or Will and Henry.
JJ tries to separate Will from Henry in her mind - Emily would be an amazing parent - but she feels so guilty for that on top of everything else that she can't even seriously contemplate it.
JJ knows why Emily doesn't fight though: Emily had told her as much once when JJ was drunk and babbling about leaving Will.
"You deserve what he can give you," Emily had said, her voice soft and strong, "He can give you stability and love and a father for your child. You deserve him," Emily had repeated, "And he deserves you."
JJ could hear the unspoken corollary.
"He deserves you...and I don't."
Vows abound in infidels
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Will's smiling and her parents are smiling and Garcia's glaring at her. Garcia's always know about her and Emily - Garcia knows everything - and Garcia's angry at her for marrying Will.
"I have to," JJ had answered when Garcia asked her exactly why she was marrying Will.
"Why?" Garcia had scoffed, scorn the only emotion in her voice, "Because people expect it of you? Come on JJ - when have you cared about what people expect you to do? If you'd always done what people expected of you, you would never even have left Pennsylvania, and you definitely wouldn't be working at the FBI."
"Henry deserves his father," JJ had said weakly.
"And Emily deserves more than to have her heart broken by someone who can't even admit that she's making the wrong decision."
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon while Garcia sits next to Emily and holds her hand.
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon and the promise falls so easily from her lips it almost feels right, but for the bitter taste it leaves in her mouth.
"I do," JJ says on a sunny Saturday afternoon, and that's the end of it.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-13 12:59 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 06:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-13 01:13 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 06:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-13 02:22 pm (UTC)awesome!!
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 06:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-13 09:55 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 06:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 01:55 am (UTC)This is very good. I have to say that my favorite is the 3rd part. Because I can SEE Garcia. I will be honest and say that I think you write Emily better than JJ. (You know, from the whole 2 fics I've read of yours) but somehow you just "got" Emily's voice. And while this is very good, it feels like maybe you don't quite have JJ's character down. Then again, especiallys ince she went all straight on us, its been harder to nail her down.
I do think its very in character. The furtive hiding, Emily not thinking she's worthy, JJ conflicted. Its really excellent.
*bounce* yeah!! I want to see more of these two! And i swear I will get to your fic,
as soon as I finish In Plain Sight season 1 because omg that show is AMAZING(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 06:54 am (UTC)And I completely agree - I find it so much easier to write Emily than JJ, at least in part because, as you say, it can be pretty difficult to understand JJ's motivation. Because if she was in a relationship with Emily for parts of season three, than also being in a relationship with Will makes her not a very nice person, and seems quite OOC! Plus, I'm just more interested in Emily than JJ.
I forgive you because everyone should watch IPS before they do anything else. Mary McCormack + awesome leather jackets = my favouritest thing ever in the world.(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 05:42 pm (UTC)And is it sad that the only thing I find hotter than Mary in a dress is Mary in black slacks, a white wife beater, covered in sweat, blood and dirt, her hair all messy, shooting it out with the bad guys? Because yeah....*Iz ded*
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 08:54 pm (UTC)I know, right? I honestly cannot think of anyone who could play the part like she does.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-15 12:57 am (UTC)Word. Its like, everything that I thought was so great about The Closer except no annoying accent, ACTUAL sexual tension between the leads, and as much as I love Kyra Sedwick, I'm sorry, but Mary is way hotter.
And dresses way gayermmm...need IPS icon now.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-15 12:30 pm (UTC)And indeed, Mary is way hotter and dresses way gayer - no question.
Sadly, this here is my sole IPS icon. It's completely awesome, but I need more.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-15 10:07 pm (UTC)And indeed, Mary is way hotter and dresses way gayer - no question.
And lets face it, that pretty much makes the show. Even without all the otehr stuff like great plot and writing and action and shit.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-15 10:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-15 10:24 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-15 10:31 pm (UTC)Seriously, the whole first season is only ten episodes (a woefully short amount, IMO) and it's so cute and shiny I think it might impossible not to love it. If you need more incentive: Stana Katic as Kate Beckett (http://www.tv.com/castle/show/75394/viewer.html?flag=1&ii=8&gri=75394&grti=101). I am a tiny bit in love with her, she wears leather jackets (as appears to be compulsory for all female cop-type figures), and there is almost canon basis for an IPS crossover.
And yes, Emily is my little black dress of fandom. Every show I watch now seems to be filled with Emily-shipping possibilities.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-16 12:42 am (UTC)She IS yummy....
And squee for almost canon crossovers! (And god bless whoever decided that leather jackets should be compulsary for female cops)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-16 09:13 am (UTC)I know, right? S and I are having a Stana Katic afternoon today - Feast Of Love and The Librarian 3 are on our list.
Hee - I'm grateful for the almost canon crossover having written 13,000+ words on a crossover I completely made up.
(I worship that person, and find myself oddly saddened when female cops *don't* wear leather jackets in every ep)
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 04:28 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-14 06:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-15 08:42 pm (UTC)JJ could hear the unspoken corollary.
"He deserves you...and I don't."
I can so see her feeling this way. Poor Emily.
(no subject)
Date: 2009-05-15 10:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-22 05:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-25 08:32 am (UTC)